Silence.

I walk through those doors and instantly feel the need to get out.
I dont know what it is....but i hate it here, not that i hate everyone here, thats not it at all, I just hate the feeling.
So much tension and negative presence. I hate the yelling that happens.
I could spend the whole day outside. Laying in the grass and letting spring just be there. With the coulds and the breeze. And the sun and the birds, and the people walking their dogs. I love it. I could live outside.
Mostly everyday I walk through those doors and just instantly walk upstairs. I cant handle being downstairs for a while. I dont know whats wrong. Its not that i dont enjoy being with them, I do most of the time. I like watching game shows with Tristan and my mom. I like sitting with Kalee watching lost. I like playing board games with my dad and Dayton. I like playing WII with my siblings. I like watching my dad cook.
But then i get out and i take a walk or i go with friends to lunch. Or on a drive with my favorite Becky. Or to the park. Or just to swing by myself.
And i feel perfect and so much better. I feel just overwhelmed with assurance and safety. I feel like thats where i need to be. I want time to stop during lunch at school because i love my table and our conversations. Whenever im having a wonderful talk with someone i want time to freeze. I want that conversartion to last as long as possible. I love being with my friends.
I always feel like i need to get away and be with someone i trust. Im not depressed. I just like to be either by myself or with the people that i know love me for who i am and can help me with anything.
Or even just to talk to them works most of the time. I just need to..........
Run.
Swing.
Take a walk.
Sit outside.
Anything.

Peace.Love.

What i saw from God.

Oh my goodness.
So basically i know that i have a gift from God. I have the gift to see things in dreams after a pray for help when i problem comes up He helps me with the answer. And i want to write this down so i never forget!

So i was on the Phone with Matt and he was telling me about this plan with Becky that he has to go around with Becky and Will to talk ot people about God to other churches and stuff. So he is tlaking about this and right in the middle of him talking I go "I want to go" and he said "you want to go really?" and i say "yeah.....I have to go" So then he says "Do you want to just go to go or is there something say you have to" by this time i break down crying and i sit there and say "I have to go. God says i have to go. I need to go with you guys....soon. Now"

So then we get into this deep conversation about all this stuff. And we are talking and im basically breaking down just saying all these things built up that i didnt even know that were there and all thse feelings from God and just all this stuff. So then i start stuttering saying "i need......i need." And he goes "Angie, what do you need what is God telling you?" So i say "i need.....i need to run." Matt says "Why do you need to run? No dont run dont go anywhere" And i say, "Yeah i need to run, far away and just keep going and i dont know where exactly, just run" Then he keeps saying "Why, and no you cant why is God saying to run?" So i start telling this story......

Okay so im on this road and im on this line going directly down the middle of the road and im running. And on one side its all light and happy and wonderful and beautiful and everyone i love and trust and have had an effect on my life are over there running too while im still in the middle. Shelby Becky Angel Matt Bethany Will and Kali are all over there. But on the other side is all dark and black and i cant see anything over there. So im running and running on this line, And then Becky and Shelby get to me and they pull me over to the light side with them and its great. And then i start to fall with God a little so im back in the middle. And then most of me is in the dark area but some is still in the light because i have a little bit of faith left in me. So then everyone works together and pulls me back . Then everything is okay and we are all still running (By the way, this whole time we are running) So then i see people in a line in front of me. They are in balck coats and are standing in these black circles. Blocking my path. So then i get to them and the world stops and everything freezes. By this time i relize its my family. And then something happens and i get in a fight with my mom and then all of them circle around me and take me over to where its dark. Im lost and i cant see anything. Then i drop to my knees and everything is still. And im praying to God to help me get out of this. But nothing works. So then i see Shelby and Becky and they grab me and pull me back again. So we are all running and everything is good. Then i see more people in front of me. And sometimes they are all there together and sometimes they are alone, just one person. And they are in a purple circles, no black coats. And there is a light shining down on them. And i notice that they are the people i need to pray for. So Kali and Will and Emma were up there at one point. So i get to them and again the world go still and everything freezes. and they dont move and they are staring blankly ahead. And i grab their hands and i start praying for them and their circle either goes away or keeps getting smaller and smaller. And eventually when their circle is gone they are running in the lighted area with us.
but Emma, she started going in the middle and Matt was trying to get her and we all were but she just kept slipping further and further into the black side. Then we lost her and we couldent find her.

So basically i relieze that im running down that road because its the road i have to go down to live for God and i have to keep running to get to the place he wants me to. And i have to overcome all those things blocking my path because i cant let anything get in the way of what God wants me to do.
So yeah thats it.......Sorry its long.

Peace.Love.

Vito's Ordination Song..

Such a beautiful song!!
--Vitos Ordination Song by Sufjan Stevens--
But you have to get the Acoustic version

Okay so its basically about God and this boy or man or whatever....who found God.
So like the part about "making amends with father and Son"...its like He found God.
And "there is a design for what i did and said" is like God Saying that He has a reason for everything and he has a plan for all hes doing.
The part where it says "I always knew you in your mothers arms" God is saying how He has always known you.
You just have to dissect it and really think.
This song is so amazing and soooo Beautiful.


I always knew you.
In your mother's arms,
I have called your name.
I've an idea placed in your mind
To be a better man.
I've made a crown for you,
Put it in your room.
And when the bridegroom comes,
There will be noise, there will be glad.
And a perfect bed.
And when you write a poem,
I know the words, I know the sounds.
Before you write it down.
When you wear your clothes,
I wear them too, I wear your shoes.
And the jacket too.
I always knew you.
In your mother's arms,
I have called you son.
I've made amends between father and son.
Or if you haven't one:
Rest in my arms. Sleep in my bed.
There's a design to what I did and said.

Credit to absolute lyrics for the lyrics.

Peace.Love.

Red Balloon.

Such a beautiful song!

--Red Balloon by: Backseat Goodbye.

Listen to it and download it off purevolume if you like it.

Darling, You're my red balloon

I'll follow you anywhere you go

Tomorrow it can't come to soon

Take my money, my heart it's sold

I waited all day for the wind to blow you my way

The forcast it called for rain

But the sunlight called it off

Darling, You're my red balloon

I'll never let you go

Storms might rain on our parade

But we'll just push right through

I waited all day to see the look on your face

When you'd realize I didn't run

Like I said I would, I stayed

Darling, You're my red balloon

I'll never let you go

Tomorrow it can't come to soon

Take all my money, my heart it's sold

I waited all day to see the look on your face

When you'd realize I didn't runLike I said I would, I stayed in place

I stayed in place

Darling, You're my red balloon

I'll never let you go

Credit to purevolume and Chad Sugg (Backseat Goodbye) For the lyrics.

Peace.Love.

Dreams.

So i had this dream a long time ago (Over the summer to be exact)
And its the only dream i have ever remembered. And i want to write it down so i never forget it because it truly changed my life and opened my eyes.
So here we go...

Okay so over the summer me and Matt went up to the elementary school playgrounds often. So I was having a really hard week because i was fighting with my mom earlier in the week and then like on a Friday she wanted to know if i wanted to go on a weekend trip somewhere with her. And i really didn't want to.
Angel was out of town and so was everybody else, so i usually talked to Matt about this stuff.
So i was telling him about the situation and how i didn't want to really go but she wanted me to, and he told me to pray about it and see later on what i wanted to do.
So i did, and that night, or the night after (whatever)
i had this dream and me and Matt were at the park as usual and we were just sitting on the playground talking and all of a sudden i saw the scariest man of my life coming right at us, so we ran.
All the way across the playground. Then Matt stops dead in his tracks and wont move.
So by this time I'm running back to him to get him to run with me. And the guy is catching up to us. I'm pulling and pulling on him arm and screaming for him to come with me. Because this man had a gun and a knife and is the scariest thing you could ever imagine. And Matt just wont move. He keeps saying "No I'm not going." then the man grabs his shoulder and my arm, and I'm trying to break free and run and Matt goes "Angie stop" then i ask him why and i keep trying to get away, Then he says "Angie you have to face your fears eventually. You cant run from everything all the time." By this time I'm crying in my dream and in my sleep, and Matt is just standing there motionless with no expression.
The end.

So yeah....What i basically go out of it is that God is going to give me all these trials and tests in life.
And i cant run form them anymore, no matter how scary they are.
And sometimes you need a scary dream to make you realize that.
=]

Peace.Love.